What Does That Make You?
by Redundant Goddess
Summary: A short, one shot fic where Shinji and Kaworu sit in the park and discuss who is related to who? Slight Shounen-Ai (if i have spelt that right) But it isn't that bad.


Disclaimer: Nope don't own a thing I am afraid. Some nice people do, but I don't. So therefore I would not like to be sued please. I am a student and Tony Blair makes me poor. M00 c0ws 0f d00m…

(A/N: This is a short Eva fic I thought up in the bath. IT'S NOTHING RUDE! But it is weird… and hopefully funny. And yes *sigh* it is a S/K Fic. My first Shonen ai fic ever so… be gentle. Any way it's not too heavy on the homosexual relationship front, but if you don't like the idea of two people of the same sex loving each other, even just a tiny bit and not in the porn sense, then maybe you shouldn't read. Because as much as I love flames, I just thought I'd save you the time and energy. 

Any hoo, hopefully this fic should be WAY better that " Nothing Eva Goes Their Way…" Which I shall be removing very shortly from FF.net so no one else has to suffer from my bad case of writers block. Hopefully this shouldn't be your average Shinji and Kaworu fic *shudders*. Meaning: It's not the bedroom scene AGAIN! I mean I like 'em and all, but they are getting a bit old. Any hoo with out further ado I bring you my odd, yet hopefully funny S/K fic!)

**What Does That Make You?**

By The Redundant Goddess… 

It was a quiet, clear and peaceful Saturday afternoon in Tokyo 3. The rebuilding work had just about finished after the incident with the military take over and the soon after false impact, which coincidently happened about a year and a half ago. The specially imported birds were singing, the freshly planted turf was green and… it was bloody hot. No, I tell a lie. It was absolutely baking! The Sahara desert had nothing on this heat wave. Which could have explained why two young boys of 15 in near identical white shirts and black trousers, were sat, no, sprawled over a park bench near a small lake and some trees.

Luckily both had ice creams, which were quickly melting and evaporating into the hot air. The taller, paler, grey haired boy took the hint and made quick work of his triple chocolate fudge twirly ice cream with three enormous licks. However his shorter, dark haired companion was too busy slouching back and looking at the lake with a thoughtful face to notice his vanilla surprise melt and subsequently dribble onto his black trouser leg.

The taller boy, having finished his ice cream, let his rosy coloured eyes fall upon the yellow stain creeping it's way down his friend's leg. He smiled his usual confident smile and gazed at his friend's wandering blue eyes.

"You're dribbling." He stated flatly with a hint of humour in his voice.

The dark haired boy's blue eyes turned to his friend with a questioning look. The grey haired boy just smiled and pointed down with a pale slender finger. Needless to say, the blue-eyed boy bolted up right and began to blush furiously as he tried to remove the stain by any means possible, which only made his friend smile even more.

"Damn!" The boy fussed "Misato isn't going to like this when it comes to washing day." He stopped for a second and looked back at his smiling friend. " What am I saying? I'm the one who does the washing!"

With a sigh he gave up and relaxed back onto the bench where his grey haired friend had made himself comfortable by stretching one hand behind the dark haired boys back and opened up a book in the other. As the rosy eyed boy read and smiled, the dark haired boy sighed again and looked back at the lake.

A small silence fell between them before the darker haired boy broke it. His voice shy and quiet.

"Kaworu?" He said silently, his eyes still gazing at the lake that now seemed to be full of ducks, bobbing about in the cool water.

"Yes Shinji?" 

A small sound of a page being flipped over could be heard.

"I have been wondering something."

"Yes? What would you be wondering?" Another flip of a page.

"What is my relation to Rei?"

Kaworu, being who he was, was never truly surprised, except that one time when he discovered Adam was really Lilith, but this little statement however did surprise him enough stop reading. He turned to his friend, who had already turned his head and his pretty blue eyes now gazed questioningly into his own rosy red ones. He let his book hand droop slightly.

"How do you mean?" He asked in his usual came and empathetic way that made Shinji always feel at ease.

Shinji let his hands fiddle with each other as he composed what he would say next. He could feel his body heat up even more than it already was, which was pretty hot, under his white shirt and Kaworu's soft gaze. Although he had been united again with Kaworu for a couple of months now, those eyes gazing at him still made Shinji want to blush. He knew he should get over it, but the silver haired boy didn't really seem to mind. In fact Shinji was sure that was the only reason why Kaworu, after coming back from the dead, had stuck around with him for so long. 

"Well, I mean. Ayanami. She's…er… I mean. She's…"

"… The genetic clone of your mother?"

Shinji blushed again.

"Well, yeah."

The silver haired boy nodded. His ever-present smile still present.

"And your wondering what relation she is to you?"

The dark haired boy nodded as he felt his friend rub his back comfortingly. A small silence of warmth fell between them as both looked over to the lake where the ducks where swimming happily and perching themselves on the ornate crosses that had popped up out of nowhere during the conflict. Kaworu looked back at his friend. He loved the way Shinji was. Thoughtful and shy, even to him. The person whom had told all his closest secrets in one day and then killed the angel the next. Plus those fits of blushing around the Ex- Angel didn't go a miss either. He couldn't help but find Shinji utterly adorable when he did that.

"Well." Kaworu said finally as he leant back and crossed his arms. Making him look like a philosophy teacher who was deep in thought. " What do you think of Ayanami?"

Shinji turned back at this question and gave the taller boy a puzzled look. Knowing the young pilot of Unit 01 wanted an elaboration on his question, the ex-angel gladly elaborated, with his ever-present kind smile plastered over his pale, but hot, face.

"I mean, Shinji, how do you see Rei? As a sister or your mother?"

The dark haired boy turned back to the lake again in thought. The ducks had started quacking and splashing about. The happy scene made him smile as he thought about the cold, stone like Albino girl. She was quiet, intelligent, a key component of the dummy plug system and also happened to be the third Rei Ayanami, since two crazy beings killed the other two. One being the 16th angel and the other being Dr Akgi's mother. He hadn't really concluded what he had thought of her after he found out she was a clone of his mother. She was nice enough, but what had passed through his mind recently was that: did being the clone of his mother, whose soul floated around his Eva unit, make them related in some way?

He shrugged and spoke.

"She's nice. But… I don't really know. I guess I think of her more as a friend/ long lost sister nowadays. Yet, I know technically she's my mother. Okay, a younger version, with blue hair, those weird red eyes and can generate an AT field. But… I don't know."

Shinji sighed and let his headrest in his hands as he slouched forward and looked at the ducks again. They were white ducks, with pretty white feather and large yellow beaks. The water foul seemed to be preening their selves at that moment, when Kaworu let a small chuckle. The third child raised an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

The silver haired boy shook his head.

"Just a thought." He chuckled softly looking back and forth between his reopened book and Shinji's adorable worried puppy like facial expression. He sighed happily and stopped chuckling. "Does it bother you that you know that Rei has is the clone of your mother?"

Shinji just shrugged as one of the ducks flew out of the lake, while being chased by another.

"I don't really know. It's kinda weird. Even you have to admit that Kaworu."

A nod.

"Yes, that is a good description of the situation with you and Ayanami." A grin tugged at his lips. " Though I can not see Rei mothering you any time soon. So your fears of that happening can be put to rest. Besides Rei can't really be your mother for she does not have the soul of your mother. If she did then you would have cause for concern."

A small smile and a giggle escaped the melancholy young Ikari. The thought of Rei sending him to bed early for not doing his homework was funny, if a bit scary at the same time. Still he felt more at ease with Kaworu's reasonable explanation.

"However," The ex- angel smirked. " Perhaps if you cannot truly conceive Ayanami as a sister figure or as a mother figure then perhaps an Aunt figure would be better suited? If you take into account she has the genetic facial features of your mother, she is not exactly the same. Thus suggesting that she could very well be, in fact, your mother's sister. Therefore, would that not make her your long lost aunt?"

As Kaworu removed his rosy eyes from his favourite Lilum in the whole wide world of Lilums to his book, he saw a flicker of annoyance on Shinji's face. So rare and so cute. He wanted to laugh out loud, but didn't as he knew it would only further annoy and possibly hurt his beloved little Lilum. 

"Hey!" Shinji scowled. " I do not want an Aunty Ayanami!"

The taller boy couldn't help but laugh. The way it rhymed. It was too good for words. But as he saw the very annoyed look on Shinji's face, he knew he had better stop.

"Sorry, Mr Ikari." He smiled warmly.

The dark haired boy sighed and slouched back across the park bench, huffing as he went. He glanced quickly at his partner. Kaworu was the nicest person he had ever met in his entire life. He loved the way the rose-eyed boy had been so nice and gentle with him when they first met. Okay so he was really an angel that was sent to destroy the whole of mankind. But after he had gotten over Kaworu's betrayal, killing him and welcoming him back into his life after a year of wondering what really happened, He really liked Kaworu. I mean he really really really liked the pale boy and was glad that Kaworu felt the same way. But sometimes his know it all attitude and quirky sense of humour did irritate Shinji, especially on hot days and sensitive issues like this. 

However with another glance, another sigh and, yes, another blush all had been forgiven.

"That's alright Mr Nagisa."

 The two smiled at each other and returned to their original positions. Kaworu went back to reading his book and Shinji went back to starring aimlessly at the lake, where the ducks were now squabbling over some bread that had been thrown in. However another thought popped up into the young Ikari's mind.

"Hang on." He mumbled to himself while scratching his head. "If Ayanami is my mother/aunt, then…"

Kawrou raised a silvery eyebrow at this from behind his book.

"… Then what?" The silver haired boy asked politely.

Shinji frowned again.

"What does that make Ritsuko?"

The ex-angel sighed and closed his book yet again and turned to face his Lilum friend. Feeling slightly annoyed at not being able to read his book _Knowledge of Angels_, which had just got up to the chapter with the honey and oil scene. 

"How do you figure Ritsuko is any relation to you at all?" The Ex- angel asked. It was a good question, since he couldn't see any link between the two.

This caused another blush that made the angel formerly known, as Tabris want to glomp his Lilum friend until he could glomp no more. He found it even more difficult to resist the urge to kiss Shinji when he started to stutter.

"Well, you see… my father and…er… you know. I mean Doctor Ikagi …er… well they… On a table I think…erm… oh dear…"

Kaworu just smiled and nodded knowingly and took over the dark haired boy's ever-growing sentence.

"… You mean Ritsuko Akagi had an affair with your father or as Major Katsuragi liked to put it 'were at it like rabbits on heat!'"

He laughed softly as he saw Shinji shudder in disgust at the crude interpretation of his father's involvement with the head of the Eva research team by his supposedly adult guardian. 

"Yeah, that." He weakly replied.

Kaworu gave an apologetic smile to his friend; his rosy eyes still radiating warmth and kindness that made the young pilot feel a bit better. So he continued on with what he was going to say, as the ducks in the lake continued to fight each other.

"So, if my father and Ritsuko had a relationship and still do…"

"… But that's only according to your guardian, Misato, who is upset with both of them at the moment for limiting her beer allowance…"

"… Does that mean Ritsuko is my step mother or something?"

The ex-angel looked thoughtful for a moment and rubbed his agile chin. This afternoon in the park was certainly turning out to be an interesting topic generator. Then his eyes began to smile again as he looked back at the young Ikari. 

"I seem to remember, from what the old men at SEELE told me, that somewhere along the line that Ritsuko's mother also had an affair with your father?"

The dark haired boy nodded slightly and Kaworu smiled.

"Well then Shinji, surely that would make the elder Akagi your Step mother and the younger your step sister."

Shinji frowned deeply at his friend and sighed.

"But if my father and Ritusko are still sleeping together wouldn't that mean…"

"That your father is having sex with his step daughter?"

And with Kaworu's last and rather blunt statement the two fell silent again, apart from Shinji's throat producing a couple of gagging noises but that was about it. 

As the two sat in another small and brief silence in the baking sun both couldn't help but wonder what the other was going to say next, although the ex-angel had a better idea than Shinji due to his empathic powers. He could sense Shinji was hot, slightly bothered and very confused. The silver haired 15 year old could also sense Shinji was also getting very worried about the thoughts that were now running rampant in his over heated brain. Which was how Kaworu felt, as well as annoyed for not being able to read his book in peace.

Shinji, like Kaworu had noted, was feeling utterly confuzzled in the sweltering heat. As he waved his hands about his face in an effort to cool down he couldn't help but dwell on what had been said.

 Rei and how she had some genetic link with him, her real relation to him was still unknown was a worrying thought. Much like that of Dr Akagi and her relationship with his father, save the genetic link. How did she fit in? The young pilot of unit 01 was seriously wishing he hadn't started this line of thought that was now consuming his fun time with his beloved friend Kaworu. Unfortunately his troubled mind wasn't going to give up even if it melted in the process. As he thought about it more and more, the more disturbed and ill he felt. Until suddenly it reached somewhere he didn't really want to be. Something that Rei had said once to him. 

"Kaworu once told me I am the same as he…" 

Shinji's worried blue eyes glanced slowly at his silver haired friend, who was now happily reading his book again with an odd grin, and his mind started to race. If Rei was some how related to Shinji, and if Kaworu was some how related to Rei then that meant Shinji… Oh dear god no! Suddenly in his mind's eye, Shinji could see a huge neon word flashing.

_"INCEST!"_

 And for the third time that day, the young Ikari croaked out his friend's name.

"Kaworu…"

A slight twitch flicked across one of the Ex-angels eyelids as he continued reading his book. Shinji called again and this time a small-annoyed groan and frown appeared on the pale boys face.

"Yes Shinji?" He sighed, his rosy red eyes almost glared at the pages in front of him.

"Are you related to Rei?"

He rolled his rosy red eyes.

"In a way, Yes. Why do you ask?"

Shinji froze in horror. His mind just wouldn't let up. His vocal cords quivered as he asked his next question.

"Well," Gulp. "If that's true, then… then…would it make her your sister?"

A small-annoyed nod answered the slightly scared young man sitting next to him. His blue eyes wide with worry. But he continued on.

"But, if I am related to her as well, even if our relationship can't really be defined, wouldn't that make us related?"

A long exasperated sigh left the silver haired boys lips, his eyes still refusing to meet with his ever-paranoid friend's. He didn't say a word, he knew even if he did reply he would get the same answer that he could sense Shinji was about to ramble out. Which he did.

"I mean, if you're Ayanami's brother, even if you're only a half brother, then because she is the clone of my mother we are still related. So…"

There was along pause on the bench and even the ducks, who had just about killed one of their number over the now soggy breadcrumbs, had fallen silent. Of course, Kaworu couldn't have cared less about the dramatic tension. He just wanted to read his book damnit! Still he was patient with the third child and waited for him to finish the seemingly pre-determined speech. Kaworu knew Shinji had something to say and he knew he would listen to whatever Shinji said. Even if he didn't get to read any of his book. And then it finally happened. The end of Shinji's sentence.

"…What does that make you to me?"

A large pale hand patted the third child's dark brown locks gently and fell behind his back again. A small ever-happy smile crept across the Ex-angels pale lips and his rosy red eyes began to smile again, like they had done before Shinji's odd line of questioning had started it's downwards spiral into the weird. However they did not leave the book, instead they stayed as a soft chuckle clucked from his throat as he answered his beloved Lilum. 

"Your slightly annoyed boyfriend." 

He beamed; knowing having said what he said would have the desired affect. Which it did. Shinji Blushed from root to tip. The young Eva pilot never liked being called that in public. Not that he didn't want Kaworu for a boyfriend, but he couldn't help it. Ever since Kaworu had kissed him right in front of Asuka, by accident of course, he had feared for both their personal safety. One slip or mention of a relationship and Asuka would fry his balls for breakfast! However, keeping quiet was worth it. He had never felt so happy in his entire life. As he blushed he noticed he was now looking into those serene rose eyes of his personal angel.

"Now, before you ask any of the questions that have just come to life in your head, let me put your worries aside." Kaworu spoke gingerly, his hand still stroking the shorter boy's back. " One, it's not exactly incest. Yes Rei is related to you somehow, as I am related to her. BUT, unlike your mother, Rei has Angel DNA, which you don't. Thus we are not related that way. So we are alright."

The young Ikari couldn't help but smile. The thought of incest had been running rampant in his mind ever since the link between Rei and Kaworu popped up into his head had now been washed away. As per usual, the Ex-angel managed to burry his worries, thus making him feel much better. He had to admit, it was one of the reasons why he loved the rose-eyed boy. He felt his smile grow as Kaworu continued.

"Secondly, if you consider that the Lilum came from Lilith, that fact alone makes everyone related to everyone on this planet. Which is true. Although the thought of being related to Asuka makes me wish we weren't."

Shinji gave a small frown and squirm at Kaworu's suggestion. That indeed was a scary thought. Living with Asuka was bad enough. Imagine being related to her!

With a quick rub of the former destroyer of the world wannabe's pale, strong hand across the Young Ikari's hot back. The two fell into a happy silence. Both smiling at each other, their eyes gazing into one another's eyes. Both boys happy that the conversation was now over. They would be lying if they said it hadn't been an interesting conversation. It's just it was very disturbing. With a broad smile on both their faces the taller boy leaned over and gave his beloved little Lilum a quick and soft peck on the lips before grabbing Shinji's hands and dragging him out of the park.

As Kaworu wrapped an arm around the shorter boy and felt dark hair lean against his shoulder he smiled.

"You know what Shinji Ikari?" He beamed.

"What?" Replied the boy, whose head was leaning comfortably on the taller boy's shirt covered shoulder.

"You think too much. Your brain must be over heated! But I know what will make it better."

Shinji raised an eyebrow and the Ex-angel just grinned, licking his lips.

"Ice Cream!"

The End.

(A/N: Well that was my odd fic. Not your average S/K fic, now was it? Any way is it just me or does anyone ever think how people are related to one another in Eva? I mean you read all these Rei and Shinji fics, but does anyone stop to realise its kinda incest? Not saying that pairing isn't a good one, it's just ever since watching Eva I kinda realised that having people related to each other in a pairing is a bit odd. *shrugs* Still never mind. Just one of my weird thoughts that managed to bubble up into a fic. Any, if you liked this fic then I might write some more along the line of this one. Firstly a prequel explaining how Kaworu managed to come back from the dead *grins 3vily* any hoo I hope you enjoyed this rather odd fic and if you did feel free to review. So until next time. PIES!

Love 

The Redundant Goddess!)


End file.
